“Hi friends!! I am Sylvia Caldwell, and I am super passionate about helping women who have experienced sexual abuse childhood sexual abuse, traumas and PSTD, receive spirit, body, soul healing and walk in complete freedom and healing. I am here to show you how to Arise into your original design of who God made you to be and get back everything darkness has stolen! So thank you so much for joining me for our first steps to Arise a course designed to help your healing process from childhood sexual abuse & ptsd and trauma. This is episode blog number one of our four-part series on beginning your journey to childhood sexual abuse healing. A big thank you to everyone who has previewed our ARISE course and had help on your sexual abuse healing, for encouraging me to do a blog for the rest of the world!
Each of you has literally been handpicked by God to be here; I have been praying for him to cultivate a community for us to all live free in together done with the torment of the childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault! So let’s not waste any time and dive right in, because if it’s possible for me it is definitely possible for you.
Family is so important, right? But if you’re anything like how I used to be, sometimes when you hear the word family, you cringe. Family sometimes brings up the old hard memories, triggers to traumas, and can make you aware of childhood traumas or sexual abuse or even the current day struggles trying to walk a new way. Sometimes the word family brings up memories of the sexual traumas we experienced or can cause feelings of loneliness. Maybe you’ve been the first in your family to speak out, and now everyone treats you like an outcast! You’re the one interrupting the habitat that has been cultivated for decades, and that’s ok! Remember Jesus rebuked the winds and the waves of the storm with his peace!
No matter what your family or friend situation is, I want to tell you you’re safe in this community, and I am so stoked to watch you walk fully into your God-given destiny and experience no more torment and receive healing from the aftermath of sexual abuse! I can tell you it’s the most amazing feeling to be free, and that is why I have dedicated my life to propelling women into the same freedom I am experiencing!
Thanks for letting me be raw and vulnerable with you friends, I am honored.
My early years….
As a little girl, I longed for a daddy—someone to love and protect me. But my daddy didn’t keep me safe. He did the complete opposite, physically and sexually abusing me from infant to toddler years and then abandoning me. His exit was God’s protection, but growing up it left a deep wound of insecurities childhood trauma. My mother worked a lot to provide for us, so I stayed at my grandma’s beautiful beach house on Henderson Bay, which in itself felt healing from the sexual abuse.
My grandma became my protector. I could be a kid in her presence and experience safety and joy. But unfortunately, my grandma was plagued with cancer. I spent every moment by her side, with one exception: the night she passed away. The following morning I was crushed; I had lost my best friend, the only security I knew. SHAME became anchored in my soul for the next 27 years, and fear was second nature to me. I began experiencing severe anxiety attacks, depression, PTSD, and food addiction, codependency, and sexual addiction by age 7. All of this was the rotten fruit from childhood sexual abuse and childhood trauma.
My Adolescent years…
I had an empty cup in my soul I desperately needed filled with LOVE, I went from thing to thing. My grades filled it, and then it took a dangerous turn. High school boyfriends and parties filled it, drinking and food filled it, shopping and drugs and tattoos and sex filled it. And then, nothing could fill it. I was on a desperate search to replenish my empty cup, when truth be told, it was never filled in the first place. It was a dark empty cup of childhood sexual abuse and ptsd that needed help and could only be healed by one thing.
The Dangerous Years…
Completely self-destructed..running from every pain, ptsd and trauma I had experienced in life….creating an ecosystem of chaos that took me to rock bottom. Addicted to partying, sex, drugs, alcohol, spending, lying, manipulating, and encompassed with grief I contemplated taking my own life. I sat on my bed one night before a party with enough strength to try one more thing, before ending it all. I called out to God and said if you’re real, I need you to show up. He met me right there and showed up in radical ways… This was the beginning of my childhood sexual abuse healing from it all!
I knew I was meant for more…
Suddenly I had the courage to take baby steps into my journey of healing. It has been 12 years since that first step, and I celebrate here with you Alive & Free 100% healed from childhood sexual abuse and childhood trauma and all the ugly fruit that came with it. I pursued healing for myself first and then became open to things I never was before. I met my husband, we had 3 kids, I have a family. I live my day to day without PTSD, Addiction, Codependency, Fear or any of the things that daunted me before. I am free….and living a life I couldn’t have dreamed. A life that heaviness of childhood sexual abuse trauma didn’t allow.
Now I want to tell you this new life I am living is for you too. I am not just the lucky girl who gets to live it. I get to live it because when I hit that unbearable pain that comes with that aftermath of childhood sexual abuse and trauma I chose to pursue health. I pursued christian counseling, I took e-courses, I went to programs like celebrate recovery and step studies, I sought out wise counsel and I found trustworthy mentors all of these things were awesome, but I also chose to trust God and trust him with the bare garden and tender raw soil that was my heart. It wasn’t easy because I instinctively wanted to self protect from all of the hurt from childhood sexual abuse and childhood trauma, but the healing that came friends is so worth the risk.
So today I’m asking you to trust God and to trust me. I can see in your eyes because they once were mine too how drained you are, you are exhausted from the fear, the anxiety is hard to manage, insomnia keeps you up and the nights you finally get some sleep the dreams interrupt your peace. Many of you have reached out and told me that you’re struggling with intimacy in relationships and physical intimacy, you don’t feel worthy, you’re striving in every area of life, there is a constant inner voice telling you, you could have done better. Finances are hard, debt is high, eating patterns are off and addictive behaviors dangle in front of you all because of childhood sexual abuse and childhood trauma, but my friend you are a Victor and your healing journey is just moments away.
You’re tired of being triggered, you’re tired of feeling not heard… and tired of others not believing you or discounting what happened to you in your childhood sexual abuse experience.
You wonder will I ever heal? When will this get easier? Will this really work? Does anybody ever hear me or see me?
Well, I am here to tell you, I see you. I hear you, I support you, you are safe here with me, this course will protect you every step of the healing process. You are worthy, you are called, and there is a girl in you that was taken long ago, and this course is going to bring her back to life! Because she is amazing, she is beautiful, she is a safe, she is fun, and she has a unique purpose in this world. You, my sister, are a world-changer and I am here cheering you on, so what’s the first step? You already completed it! You’re done reading this blog! Blog two is so fun…so make sure I see you there! Love you friend! And I know sometimes I still feel weird when someone says love you that I don’t consider an I love you friend! But it’s true sisters I really do love you, each and everyone, I’ve laid down my old life to help you live your new life because I know how amazing it feels to Arise back to my original design and be totally healed from childhood sexual abuse and trauma!
If you are ready to start your healing journey now! Get the ARISE course HERE or the ARISE devotional HERE
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